3:41 PM: Fuck it. I’ve started screwdriver one. Eastern time counts, doesn’t it? The screwdriver, I should point out, is about as close you can get to that perilous threshold between straight shots of absinthe (name your testosterone-charged elixir of choice) and the decidedly unmanly category of girlie drink (mai tais, pretty much anything having to do with fruit, and of course the classy manhattan) while retaining some semblance of manhood. Or, even better, I walk the wild gender-neutral line between. Take that, eleven states! I’m almost willing to change my sexual orientation just to spite the bastards. But, of course, I’ve never found the penis, the gym-toned ass, or the male developed chest even remotely sexy. More my fault than anything else. Plus, women are just too damned sexy. They have the curves and fabulous anatomy that, if we were less civilied, we would rip endless bodices over. Smooth legs, their wonderful smell, breasts, even their shoulders and noses are fantastic. And if they’re smart, acerbic and take no prisoners, I am nothing more than putty.

Archive’s “Fuck U” plays in the background. Suitable.

I fear that tonight’s drinking (and writing) will put me in an aggro mood. So be it. Rather than attempt the impossible (namely, applying some Photoshopped graphic of reference with each entry), I’ve decided to simply number the fuckers and apply the usual e.e. cummings/livejournal crap.

Drink up, America! You’re fucked (well, at least temprarily).

(UPDATE: Holy hell, is Gwenda in on this? Too fucking cool.)