Month / November 2006

by Edward Champion

Friday Burgess Fun

For all of you Burgess freaks out there, a good number of his reviews are available for free on the New York Times site (back in the days when the NYTBR actually stood for something):

by Edward Champion

BSS #77: Sam Savage

segundo77.jpg

Condition of Mr. Segundo: Still missing, wondering who this Champion character is.

Guests: Sam Savage and Edward Champion

Subjects Discussed: Having a rat as a protagonist, investigating rats, on being a late starter, poetry, exploring consciousness in fiction, the destruction of Scollay Square, collaborating on the illustrations, sentimental first-person narrators, physical signs in Firmin, language, resorting to fiction for meaning, abnormal sexual desires between rats and women, phernological models, tunnels and reading, gentrification, Savage’s background in philosophy, genuine feeling vs. sentimentality, Hallmark cards, misfits, booksellers, William Gaddis, Gilbert Sorrentino, Allen Ginsberg’s “Howl,” cultural attrition, and letting go of materialistic impulses.

(A co-production of the LBC, Pinky’s Paperhaus, and The Bat Segundo Show)

EXCERPT FROM SHOW:

Savage: Since he doesn’t have language — that is, language is ultimately the longed for object even more than the Lovelies would be. Words and language. These words appear as objects, as things in themselves. FICTION. RESTROOM. He sees these and they stand out. Because this is language and this is what he doesn’t have. And he also sees himself. Not only sees signs, but he gives titles to his actions. You know, you put in these phrases, which are in fact titles of books, in which he’s thinking — in which he is the character. So he is always seeing himself as a protagonist as some story, because what Firmin wants most of all is to be in the story. And of course I gave him that in the end. But he didn’t know that.

by Edward Champion

To the San Francisco Speakers

Dear San Francisco Speakers:

Hi there! You and I have had a pretty good relationship over the years. I’ve done my best to let pals know that one should not devalue your status in the dictionary, which is often placed just below humans who deliver lectures in front of a crowd. I’ve always thought this definition class was unfair. And I’ve had the sense over the years, with your tweeters and subwoofers and your tendency to surprise me with your performance when I feed something to you that’s too loud, that there was perhaps some consciousness at work.

speakers.jpgPreposterous, I know. You’re just a manufactured construct. And it’s unseemly for a nonreligious man to think these things. I know there’s thousands of you being sold at Best Buy every day, sometimes constructed inside small radios, but all of you pretty much the same. Bless the free market and mass production.

And yet I can’t help but wonder. Over the past four days, I have heard snippets of Foreigner’s “I Want to Know What Love Is” about twenty-seven times. I’ve heard it drifting out of a speaker in somebody’s apartment. I’ve heard it in cars that pass by. I’ve heard it in cafes. I’ve heard it in bars, seeing a tattooed man’s eyes mist up.

Now certainly there are worse songs in the world than this now more than two decades old ballad, a sincere though aloof attempt at sentimentality. But why are you going out of your way to play me this song? Why is it that every time I set foot outside, I hear a speaker playing this song. I simply cannot believe that the entire city population listens to KOIT all the time or that, further, KOIT plays this song endlessly in a four-song rotation or that the majority of my fellow San Franciscans really like Foreigner this much.

So I must believe that it is you who are the culprits and that there might be a great speaker conspiracy. Perhaps there are secret meetings that go on. Perhaps speakers walk away from their cabinets when I sleep and contrive plans to terrify me in dim alleys. Perhaps this is a first wave of sentient speakers unleashed by the government and I’m simply unaware of and it’s all part of a plot to condition me to be a good consumer. Perhaps you communicate on a sound spectrum that I cannot hear, letting another speaker know that I am about to walk by. I really don’t know.

But if you are communicating with me, are you employing this song to tell me that you, the great speaker population of San Francisco, want to know what love is? Are you trying to impute that you want me to show you?

Look, don’t take this personally. I’m really flattered by your attention and you’ve been really nice to me, but I’m involved with someone. Further, even if I weren’t involved with someone, I’d have no idea how to make love with you. Would I need to rip open your fabric with a Leatherman Wave and create an orifice? I know love conquers all, but I suspect this would be uncomfortable for me. Or is the Foreigner song an indication that you don’t know what love is? Perhaps this is your way of communicating that you’ve been neglected.

If so, I understand and I will do my best to whisper sweet nothings in your ears. You’re just going to have to tell me where I can find the auditory meatus.

Very truly yours,

Edward Champion

by Edward Champion

Tony Long: Chickenhead of the Month

I’m a little late on this, but I think it can be said with almost complete certainty that Tony Long is a moron. It’s bad enough that Long has diminished local illustrator Gene Leun Yang’s accomplishments by claiming that his book American Born Chinese should be ineligible for the National Book Award because it is composed of pictures, but Tony Long, a superlative skybald content to toss around his uninformed opinions the way culinary naïfs want to take you to Domino’s for “really good pizza,” hasn’t even read the book in question. Like a hayseed fundamentalist who will always be right, even when having nothing more than a cursory understanding of what he’s talking about, Long is content to remark upon a work that he hasn’t even bothered to crack open.

Long claims that his essay is “not about denigrating the comic book, or graphic novel” and then proceeds to belittle Yang’s work by declaring, “I’ll bet for what it is, it’s pretty good,” as if “what it is” is not only as different as “apples and oranges,” but somehow lesser.

In bashing the book, Long notes that he is “familiar with the genre,” as if this generalized pronouncement of casual expertise, presumably originating from the deity now occupying Long’s head, justifies his capacity to remark upon a book that he is ignorant about by his own admission. Well, I’m “familiar” with the work of April Flowers, but I’m not going to comment upon WMB: Weapons of Masturbation until I’ve seen the film.

For a guy who seems to be “familiar” with comic books, Long can’t even get his terminology right. Like a milliner trying to sell you an asshat, Long refers to Yang’s work falls into interchangeably as “graphic novels,” “illustrated stories,” “comic books,” when these are entirely different forms. A graphic novel, for example, may be a collection of previously published comic books. You can call many children’s books or even some postmodern literary experiments “illustrated stories.” But if graphic novels “don’t belong” even in a juvenile literature class, then how are we to categorize the quest for meaning contained within Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home or the shifting perceptions of lust within Alan Moore and Melinda Gebbie’s Lost Girls? Surely, these are books. These works, among many, chronicle the human condition. They are laced with plots, characters, narratives, subtext, and visual and verbal language just as intricate in their creation and execution as blueblood word-centric novels. And yet we continue to throw them in a separate section in the bookstore and deny these books their credentials, imputing by taxonomy that they will never drink from the whites only drinking fountain occupied by FICTION.

The Tony Longs of the universe, who regale us with their callow and deliberately ignorant banter, will continue to offer the hard line that these are lesser works without proof. They will continue to comment upon subjects without studying what they purportedly examine or providing us with specific examples. It’s sadly telling that a publication like Wired, which reports on advances technology and is thus progressive in some sense, would employ an atavistic microbe to mold up the boss stone.

by Edward Champion

Answering the Question: Whatever Happened to Wayne Shannon?

In September, I cited 1980s KRON commentator Wayne Shannon as an example of how the Web fails to catalog certain pieces of information. This morning, to my great surprise, Wayne Shannon, who is still alive, left the following comment:

Hi Edward:

Wayne Shannon here. About once a year I get on the web and type in my name and see what I do/do not get.

And there you were. Thanks for remembering me at all, web failure or not.

My privacy continues to be paramount in my life, so, unfortunately, the email address above no longer exists. Sorry about that, but I’m not inclined to divulge the one I use these days.

Actually, Herb Dudnick did NOT try and cut a new deal with me vis a vis KRON. I was out, and that was all there was to it. Luckily, I sensed it the instant he showed up and had the CNBC gig in the works when the hammer fell.

I’m told “Shannon: What’s It All Mean?” is available on E-Bay and/or Amazon.com — but only as a trinket for the curious, and has no connection with me anymore.

If you’re genuinely curious about me though, I would eventually go on and get a Masters and teach Journalism, writing, mostly, but would retire from that, too.

I’m up in the Pacific Northwest now, and much enjoy being unknown.

Have written a new book called “The Golden Toe of the Appaloosa,” inspired by events that happened when I was in high school in Washington State in the mid 60s, which an agent in SF (Elizabeth Pomada) is looking at now, but it will probably amount to nothing more than I did.

The attitude one has after a lifetime of fantastic low self-esteem. Some people are surprised to know that, but not anyone who knows/knew me.

Again, thank you for recalling me with relative kindness.

W-Bo

Thank you, Mr. Shannon, for taking the time to respond. And if your book happens, the folks at The Bat Segundo Show would be happy to talk with you.

by Edward Champion

Holy Frijole

No, no literary news. The fate of the nation is just too damn important. Virginia and Montana are tight, but Tester and Webb are both ahead and it’s looking possible that the Demos will get the Senate too.

Bush has called a press conference for 1:00 PM EST. What is this guy going to say? What is he going to do to spin this when he just got drop-kicked by the votes of the people?

by Edward Champion

The Latest Numbers

Okay, it boils down to this. If the Demos take Montana, Missouri, and Virginia, then we have the Senate. Here are the latest numbers:

Montana
Tester (D): 88,302
Burns (R): 75,256

40% precincts

Missouri
Claire McCaskill (D): 812,038
Jim Talent (R): 799,471

80.3% precincts

Virginia
Webb (D): 1,150,473
Allen (R): 1,148,656

99.47% precincts

by Edward Champion

Kentucky Rep Races So Far

  • 2nd District: Mike Weaver (D) ahead, 59.5% to 40.5% (2.1% precincts). Weaver is running against Republican incumbent Ron Lewis.
  • 3rd District: John Yarmuth (D) ahead, 51.1% to 47.6% (14.9% precincts). Yarmuth is running against Republican incumbent Anne Northup.
  • 4th District: Geoff Davis (R) ahead, 50.9% to 42.2% (0.3% precincts). He’s the incumbent and Ken Lucas (D) is running against him.

It’s far too early to tell, but so far, that’s two representative seats for the Democrats.

by Edward Champion

2006 Election Roundup #2

by Edward Champion

2006 Election Roundup #1

by Edward Champion

The Political Junkie’s Guide to Hitting F5

Swing State Project has a very helpful list of voting closing times. Here is the list expanded with important election links where you can get real-time unofficial results (i.e., real numbers to work with instead of bullshit exit polls and ancillary prognostication):

Indiana (Eastern)
6:00pm
IN-02, IN-03, IN-07, IN-08, IN-09
Election Results

Kentucky (Eastern)
6:00pm
KY-02, KY-03, KY-04
Kentucky State Board of Elections

Florida (Peninsula)
7:00pm
FL-09, FL-13, FL-16, FL-22, FL-24, FL-Gov
Florida Department of State

Georgia
7:00pm
GA-08, GA-12
Georgia Election Results

Indiana (Western)
7:00pm
IN-02, IN-03, IN-07, IN-08, IN-09
Indiana Election Day HQ

Kentucky (Western)
7:00pm
KY-02, KY-03, KY-04
Kentucky State Board of Elections

New Hampshire (Townships)
7:00pm
NH-01, NH-02
General Election Results

South Carolina
7:00pm
SC-05, SC-Gov
South Carolina State Election Commission

Vermont
7:00pm
VT-AL
Vermont Secretary of State

Virginia
7:00pm
VA-02, VA-10, VA-Sen
Commonwealth of Virginia

North Carolina (Standard)
7:30pm
NC-08, NC-11, NC-13
North Carolina State Board of Elections

Ohio
7:30pm
OH-01, OH-02, OH-12, OH-15, OH-18, OH-Gov, OH-Sen
Ohio Secretary of State

West Virginia
7:30pm
WV-01, WV-02
West Virginia Secretary of State

Alabama
8:00pm
AL-Gov
Alabama — Secretary of State — Elections Division

Connecticut
8:00pm
CT-02, CT-04, CT-05, CT-Sen
Connecticut Secretary of State

Delaware
8:00pm
Delaware Election Results

Florida (Panhandle)
8:00pm
FL-09, FL-13, FL-16, FL-22, FL-24, FL-Gov
Florida Election Results

Illinois
8:00pm
IL-06, IL-08, IL-10, IL-Gov
Illinois State Board of Elections

Kansas
8:00pm
KS-02
Kansas Secretary of State (looks like no real-time stats)

Maine
8:00pm
ME-Gov
Elections Division

Maryland
8:00pm
MD-Gov, MD-Sen
State Board of Elections

Massachusetts
8:00pm
MA-Gov
Elections Division

Michigan (Most of state)
8:00pm
MI-Gov, MI-Sen
Unofficial Results

Mississippi
8:00pm
Secretary of State — Elections

Missouri
8:00pm
MO-Sen
Election Night Reporting

New Hampshire (Cities)
8:00pm
NH-01, NH-02
General Election Results

New Jersey
8:00pm
NJ-05, NJ-07, NJ-Sen
Division of Elections

Oklahoma
8:00pm
Unofficial Results

Pennsylvania
8:00pm
PA-04, PA-06, PA-07, PA-08, PA-10, PA-Gov, PA-Sen
Elections Information

South Dakota (Eastern)
8:00pm
SD-Gov
General Election Results

Tennessee
8:00pm
TN-Sen
Division of Elections

Texas (Eastern)
8:00pm
TX-14, TX-17, TX-23, TX-32, TX-Gov
Texas Election Returns

Arkansas
8:30pm
AR-Gov
Arkansas Elections

North Carolina (Optional)
8:30pm
NC-08, NC-11, NC-13
Election Results

Arizona
9:00pm
AZ-01, AZ-05, AZ-08, AZ-Sen
General Election Results

Colorado
9:00pm
CO-04, CO-05, CO-07, CO-Gov
Elections Center

Louisiana
9:00pm
LA-02, LA-03
Election Results Inquiry

Michigan (Western U.P.)
9:00pm
MI-Gov, MI-Sen
Unofficial Results

Minnesota
9:00pm
MN-01, MN-02, MN-06, MN-Gov, MN-Sen
General Election Results

Nebraska
9:00pm
NE-01, NE-03
Unofficial Results

New Mexico
9:00pm
NM-01
Unofficial Results

New York
9:00pm
NY-03, NY-13, NY-19, NY-20, NY-24, NY-25, NY-26, NY-29, NY-Gov
Board of Elections

Rhode Island
9:00pm
RI-Gov, RI-Sen
Unofficial Results

South Dakota (Western)
9:00pm
SD-Gov
General Election Results

Texas (Western)
9:00pm
TX-14, TX-17, TX-21, TX-23, TX-32, TX-Gov
Texas Election Returns

Wisconsin
9:00pm
WI-08, WI-Gov
Multiple links (not given out to public)

Wyoming
9:00pm
WY-AL
Unofficial results

Idaho (Southern)
10:00pm
ID-01, ID-Gov
Unofficial Results

Iowa
10:00pm
IA-01 , IA-02, IA-04, IA-Gov
Secretary of State

Montana
10:00pm
MT-Sen
Elections Bureau (no real-time results link)

Nevada
10:00pm
NV-02, NV-03, NV-Gov, NV-Sen
Election Results

North Dakota (Eastern)
10:00pm
Election Results

Oregon (Western)
10:00pm
OR-Gov
Unofficial Election Results

Utah
10:00pm
Election Results

California
11:00pm
CA-04, CA-11, CA-50, CA-Gov
Election Results

Hawaii
11:00pm
Office of Elections

Idaho (Panhandle)
11:00pm
ID-01, ID-Gov
Unofficial Results

North Dakota (Western)
11:00pm
Election Results

Oregon (Eastern)
11:00pm
OR-Gov
Unofficial Election Results

Washington
11:00pm
WA-05, WA-08, WA-Sen
Washington Secretary of State

Alaska (Mainland)
12:00am
AK-Gov
Alaska Division of Elections

Alaska (Western Aleutians)
1:00am
AK-Gov
Alaska Division of Elections

by Edward Champion

Mark Ames’ Republican Challenge

Based on phone calls and emails I’ve received today, nearly every political junkie I know, even the half-hearted ones, are starting to go insane, becoming giddily hubristic in their pronouncements. Case in point: The eXile’s Mark Ames is so convinced that the Republicans will take both houses that he’s willing to register with the Republican Party by the end of the year. But that ain’t all:

Whoever challenges me has to agree to the following: If the Republicans hold on to both houses of Congress, then my challenger(s) must sign a statement confessing that America’s experiment with democracy has failed. That America’s democracy can no longer be excused as “imperfect,” but rather, as your public confession will stress, democracy is the root of America’s problem. Your solution? You pledge to support the peaceful transfer of power to a junta, which will work to “restore order.”

(Thanks, Richard!)