Kevin Smith: “Leave the diva-like behavior and drama-queen antics to the movie stars, not the movie reviewer, ya’ rude-ass prick.”

David Poland: “It turns out that Kevin is still angry about a passing comment in a September 2000 review of a movie he produced, Vulgar, in which he appeared….And so, I am banished from seeing screenings of Kevin Smith movies.”

Scott Foundas: “So imagine my surprise when I took my seat at a press screening of Clerks II last Monday morning, only to be tapped on the shoulder by a publicist and kindly, albeit firmly, asked to leave.”

Mark Caro: “He tracks down every review and every story about him, whether written by a nationally known writer or some anonymous schmo on a Web site. Not only does he read the test-screening reviews posted on Ain’t It Cool News but, until recently at least, also has perused the Talkback section.”

Editor and Publisher: “Movie critic Roger Ebert is on leave from his syndicated column as he recovers from cancer surgery. Ebert has not had a column appear since the week of July 3, according to Universal Press Syndicate. It’s not yet known when he’ll resume his feature, which runs in about 250 newspapers.”

And given how much of a workaholic Ebert is, this does not augur well.

Better Than Fudge: “He was sprawled in such a way that he was clutching the back of my seat for support hence my necessary involvement in this emergency. It was then that I realized that the gentleman in this unfortunate predicament was Rex Reed.” (via Gawker)

“X-Raying the German Tax Skin” by Edward Jay Epstein (Slate version of article) (Apparently, this law was changed in January 2006.)

Roundup of film tax incentives by country

Janet Maslin: “As is the case anytime Hollywood lets its hair down, this account exposes deep fault lines of privilege, power and class. Consider the story of Paula, who was Night’s assistant when he was ready to spring his ‘Lady in the Water’ screenplay upon the Walt Disney Company. Among Paula’s virtues were the ability to make hot chocolate exactly the way Night likes it and to fly cross-country without going to the bathroom. The screenplay was far too important to be left unattended.” (via Light Reading)

Jackson West wrote me at a crazed hour last night to alert me to his Marie Antoinette review, which he calls “worse than I could have possibly imagined.”

Michael Bay’s Transformers. No, really. (via Ghost in the Machine)

His first film, now available for your online viewing pleasure. (via MeFi)

Roger Ebert: “This is a glum, lackluster movie in which even the big effects sequences seem dutiful instead of exhilarating. The newsroom of the Daily Planet, filled with eccentricity and life in the earlier movies, now seems populated by corporate drones. Jimmy Olsen, the copy boy, such a brash kid, seems tamed and clueless. Lois Lane (Kate Bosworth) has lost her dash and pizzazz, and her fiance, Richard White (James Marsden), regards her like a deer caught in the headlights. Even the editor, Perry White (Frank Langella), comes across less like a curmudgeon, more like an efficient manager.”

Turan hates it too. Maybe I won’t see this opening day.

Then again, 79% at Rotten Tomatoes, with many comparisons to Spider-Man 2.

Trailers of Historically Significant Films. (Damn you, Pete Anderson!)

Polaroids taken by Andrei Tarkovsky. (via Warren Ellis)

Matt Damon is in talks to star as Kirk. This augurs not so well.

“You do not remember me!” (via MeFi)

John Fusco, the screenwriter behind such immortal films as Young Guns, Young Guns II and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron has been hired to write a remake of The Seven Samurai. There is no doubt in my mind that the man who gave us such profound dialogue as “P.S. I changed my mind. Kiss my ass.” and “You’re ambitious, Earl, but you’d be better off selling lady’s undergarments in Hampstead” will apply his clear wit and perspicacity to improving upon* one of the great film classics. (Thanks, DT!)

* — Or perhaps we should replace those two words with the verb “reimagining,” a secret Hollywood buzz word that describes both devising a remake and creating an abomination.

Ain’t It Cool News: “As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match.”

ALS0: Dinner with Uwe Boll. He couldn’t even get into film school, so he attended, in his words, “as a guest.” Part 2.

(via Defamer)

Another great character actor gone. Did you know he was friends with Kerouac?

Andy Moorer is the man behind “Deep Note,” the THX noise you are deafened with just as the THX logo pops up before a movie begins. The blog Music Thing featured an interview with him in 2005, which explains how the sound was made and notes that the score is a C program containing about 20,000 lines of code. There are many other fascinating tidbits about Deep Note, including this student’s attempt to recreate it.

Not only did Clerks 2 receive an 8 minute standing ovation, but Kevin Smith has recorded an audio commentary track that you can download to your iPod and bring to the feature.

Bad enough that we’re seeing the return of Rocky Balboa. But Rambo IV? I remain curious: who exactly is Stallone’s core audience these days? Perhaps Hollywood should pay attention to the numbers:

Get Carter (2000). Budget: $40M, Domestic Gross: $14.9M.
Driven (2001). Budget: $72M, Domestic Gross: $32.6M.
D-Tox (2002). Budget: $55M, Opening Weekend: $32,300.
Shade (2003). Budget: $6.8M, Domestic Gross: $25,032.

And those are four of the last five films featuring Stallone in the star role. (The IMDB has scant BO biz on Avenging Angelo.) In other words, it is quite clear that Stallone isn’t a profitable star anymore. Or does Hollywood work on the assumption that Stallone co-hosting The Contender translates into instant revenue down the line? Or do they really believe that audiences will flock to Rocky Balboa at 1990 levels? Of course, since Stallone has kept the budget for Rocky Balboa at $24 million, perhaps this is the secret ingredient to his cinematic return. Unless he’s still huge in Europe.

The trailer for Oliver Stone’s WTC is now up.

An interview with Sofia Coppola. At least someone taught her the word “ineluctable.” (via Quiddity):

JML/ Why did you choose not to show MA’s death?

SC/ I didn’t want to show the evasion, the arrest, the guillotine, I didn’t want to ÇreconstituteÈ the whole story, that wasn’t the goal of the film. I wanted to concentrate myself on the personal evolution of the character, up until the point where I could show how she eventually ends up accepting her ineluctable death, way before being confronted to it. I didn’t picture myself shooting in a jail either, and even less so reconstituting it. And above all, I didn’t want to show a decapitated head on the ground in a mix of mud and blood.

…at each other’s throats. (Links at the top of the thread.)

[UPDATE: Here’s the three parts edited together at YouTube.]

A new Marie Antoinette trailer is up. You have been warned. (via Romancing the Tome)

The Longest Movies in History.

Anthony Lane: “The Cruise fan base has been shaken by a number of public pronouncements, although some of us have merely been confirmed in our original suspicions that there was something about this actor that was not quite of this earth. The stiff-necked jerk of his motions; the grit of his bared teeth; the eyes switched to perennial full beam but never quite blinking, even during tears; his ability to remain totally upright when sprinting, as if carrying an invisible egg and spoon—what are these, if not the techniques of an alien life force who has just graduated summa cum laude in advanced human behavior?”

[RELATED: A disturbing Time article written by Tom Cruise about J.J. Abrams: “He delivers what could be called the Lay’s of yarns: you can’t watch just one. I watched all of Alias’ first season in two days, pushing all aside to the near destruction of my personal and business life.”]

For the month of May, Deadpit Radio offers “May of the Dead,” a series of interviews with actors from George A. Romero’s zombie tetrology.