A saner man would simply throw his issue of Parade into the dustbin, pretending that the dreaded Sunday supplement simply wasn’t a part of the newspaper and taking a complacent munch from his lightly jellied English muffin. But not Tod Goldberg. His ongoing commitment to not only reading, but reporting upon the horrors of Parade has caused him to become desperately obsessed in an Ahabesque sense. And the results have, from my comfortable Brooklyn nook, been hilarious to watch. Goldberg’s become so desperate that he’s now penned an open letter to editor Lee Kravitz. Can a Parade Brownie Watch or a Kravitz-issued restraining order be next?

Walkscore. My neighborhood scores a 78. My old neighborhood in San Francisco scores a 98.

Craig Davidson offers this lengthy account of Tuesday night’s boxing match, observing, “Jonathan’s dating the singer Fiona Apple. So that’s pretty cool. I’m thinking, hell, even if he loses, he goes home with Fiona Apple. That’s got to go a long ways towards healing any hurts. Me, I got to go home to the hotel minibar.”

You know, if it’s any consolation to Craig, I was at the Rebar after-party and I happen to know that a few single women were there swooning for Mr. Davidson, with at least one of them asking me if “Craig was available.” I must aver that “available” meant a lot more than “Can I talk with him for five minutes?”

Remember: the fight is tonight at Gleason’s Gym, 77 Front Street, at 8:00 PM.

The fighters: Craig Davidson (boxing record 0-1) and Jonathan Ames (boxing record 1-4)!

The opening act: Miss Saturn and her hula hoops!

The card girls: Patrick “The Mangina” Bucklew and Valmonte Sprout!

There is also a rumor that a woman will paint her body and play accordion.

I am now prepared for my duties as ring announcer. And there is considerable excitement from all parties.

The after party is at Rebar on 147 Front Street, where I understand there are affordable beverages.

Don’t miss it!