Edward Champion's Return of the Reluctant

I'll See Your Cuddle, And Raise You A Tender Romp

It's silly enough that this blog has a possessive before it's name. But you'd never catch me claiming authorship for something this anachronistic. REiD Mihalko's Cuddle Party is Susie Bright cross-pollinated with the Quirkyalone movement. In other words, it's self-defeating nomenclature, a downright oxymoron, from the get-go. For one thing, there's the problem of the modifier. Cuddling is nice, sure. But "cuddle" implies 8-year-old girls getting intimate with an oversized stuffed giraffe. It is not, shall we say, a place to bust out the bottle of Cuervo, start dancing like it's 1999, and blast Technotronic's "Pump Up the Jam." So why party? Perhaps "cuddle gathering" or "feel-up frolic" or "casual groping" would have been more apposite.

Who the hell is REiD Mihalko? Apparently a bi-coastal Sex and Romance Coach who was (I'm not making this up) given the gift by his mother "of seeing and treating woman [sic] as sacred." In other words, he's one of those unemployed, guitar-playing guys you meet at a coffeehouse who claim that they're as sensitive and gooey as a jelly donut, but have the closet desire to feel you up.

At least that's the impression I'll draw.

I'm all for cuddling. But this whole thing sounds like it's one step removed from bukkake. I mean, what's the difference between being groped by some stranger on a subway and allowing some dude you don't know to grope you, with the queasy bonus of some guy moderating who doesn't know how to use capital letters?

(via Gawker)

Posted by DrMabuse at April 19, 2004 03:47 PM