Today, Haruki Murakami’s translator announced that Mr. Murakami would win every single literary award in 2007 and that there was nothing that anybody could do about it.

“The Kiriyama Prize was just the beginning,” said Alfred Birnbaum, one of his long-time translators, speaking on behalf of Murakami. “We’re going to take the Booker, the Orange Broadband Prize, the National Book Award. It doesn’t matter if Murakami was nominated or eligible or not.”

Asked what personal stake he had in stumping for Murakami or voicing such extraordinary Howard Dean-like excitement, Mr. Birnbaum revealed, “Those bastards Gabriel and Rubin are hogging the work.” So Mr. Birnbuam’s claim is to be taken lightly.