I’ve intercepted some extremely vicious hate mails over the past week pertaining to the Save the Blogs campaign. I’m stunned that anyone would get so angry about this. We’ve only been saying that the blog, by way of being a natural parasitic medium based in Terre Haute, actually demands a lobbying group fronting as a venerable organization of literary enthusiasts. Anger! That’s the only way to save blogs!

And when we’re done saving the blogs, we’re going to be working very hard to get half of U.S. teenagers hooked on nicotine. And then we’re going to curb any and all bans on handguns and assault weapons. What the world really needs, and this has been the purpose of the Save the Blogs campaign all along, is needless violence and utter mayhem. Our successful campaign to throw laptops at the humorless has been working. There have been several trips to the hospital and we’ll be uploading these clips onto YouTube. But we WILL NOT STOP until every humorless cad has been hit with an iBook or a Toshiba laptop.

And just to be clear: The Save the Blogs campaign is being run by the National Parasitic Bloggers Circle Board of Directors, NOT the National Parasitic Bloggers Circle.

The posts put up by the guest bloggers, despite appearing at Edward Champion’s Return of the Reluctant, do NOT — repeat, NOT — reflect the opinions of parasites as a whole. The only exception are those posts having to do with David Orr’s pants and, in particular, his left bicep. All parasites accept David Orr’s hunky physique as the genuine article. And we’re hoping to regale you with some hot fan fiction in the forthcoming weeks.

Nobody writing on this website answers to anybody. That’s the philosophy we’ve appropriated (parasite-like, natch!) from the print critics, who have greatly inspired us with their persistent paralogia.