Okay, traditional media, we’re ready.

Bear with me, folks, as I gradually work in elements of the redesign over the next week.

Something big is afoot. All I can say is that it involves disseminating devious information. And it’s so exciting that I’ve bought six new pairs of boxers. More to come.

• Rolling Stone: “No combination of alternative fuels will allow us to run American life the way we have been used to running it, or even a substantial fraction of it. The wonders of steady technological progress achieved through the reign of cheap oil have lulled us into a kind of Jiminy Cricket syndrome, leading many Americans to believe that anything we wish for hard enough will come true. These days, even people who ought to know better are wishing ardently for a seamless transition from fossil fuels to their putative replacements.”
• ZDNet: “The company has spent millions of dollars persuading people that hybrid electric cars like the Prius never need to be plugged in and work just like normal cars….But the idea of making hybrid cars that have the option of being plugged in is supported by a diverse group of interests, from neoconservatives who support greater fuel efficiency to utilities salivating at the chance to supplant oil with electricity. If you were able to plug a hybrid in overnight, you could potentially use a lot less gas by cruising for long stretches on battery power only.”
• Reuters: “U.S. President George W. Bush’s proposed 2006 budget calls for much lower funding for Amtrak, and the Secretary of Transportation has said that Amtrak’s funding should be overhauled. It’s not clear how much support the railroad will have as it goes through the Congressional budget appropriations process, S&P said.”

Ed Ideas (Which Will Never Be Adopted):

1. Limousine/Cab Tax Rate
2. Gasoline Tax of $1.50 Per Gallon; All Revenue Going to Public Transportation
3. Tax Breaks for Those Who Don’t Own Cars
4. Rental Car Tax
5. Mandate That 65% of All Operational Vehicles Become Hybrids Before 2008
6. Overhaul of National and Local Rail Systems Before 2010
7. Transcontinental High-Speed Rail System to Replace Airports: San Francisco to New York in Less Than Ten Hours at 300 mph by High-Speed Rail. Complimentary Drinks to All Passengers.
8. Ban on SUVs, Hummers and Fuel-Deficient Vehicles for Public Use
9. Those Who Use Public Transportation on Regular Basis Get Free Sex

• Ian McEwan mourns Saul Bellow. In particular, he describes how placing a quote from Herzog before a novel makes it sound more important than it really is.
• If the Atlantic won’t publish fiction, an author can always aim for Cosmo. That’s precisely what author Mary Castillo did for her novel Hot Tamara. Of course, the excerpt in question is a “hot and heavy love scene.” But it was either that or a questionnaire determining how effectively you satisfy your man.
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman will play Truman Capote in a biopic. That’s fine casting. Unfortunately, in another Capote-related film, Every Word is True, Sandra Bullock will play Harper Lee. To add insult to injury, the producers plan to change the title of Lee’s novel. It will now be known as To Kill the Girl Next Door Type.
• Elizabeth George fanboys are incensed with the latest novel. In George’s latest, a central character in the Lynley series has been killed off, spawning resentment, multiple sessions of therapy, devious fan fiction, and a firm convinction to seek more mediocre best-selling novelists.
• And Stuart Dybek has made this year’s ALA Notable Books list for I Sailed With Magellan. He hopes to make next year’s list by titling his novel-in-progress I Painted With Picasso, even though it has nothing to do with the famed artist.